Myth#3 “Her Marriage Is Perfect.”

musings-footprints

We woman are always tempted to fantasise about a “perfect” world. We fantasise that someone else’s marriage is perfect and if only like hers, our lives would be perfect too. But that’s a myth. What we see is only the good part. Marriage that looks all perfect also has a darker side.

What we see is…..

 Her husband compliments her in public. He has a great job, provides with all comfortable lifestyle. They have beautiful home in a gated neighbourhood, drive new Lexus, have a beautiful baby boy. 

But what we dont see is …

What her husband does when he is stressed, he gets angry.  He keeps a mental list of all things she does wrong in his eyes. We don’t see behind closed doors, he calls her stupid, incompetent. He’d punch holes in walls that she carefully covers with framed prints. We don’t see his rages.

We know nothing that..

She gets angry on herself. This is her second marriage, and she told herself that she would never go through another divorce. She only wishes she was as naive about her problems as everyone else seems to be.

There are no perfect marriages because there are no perfect people. And when we compare with others, they are more than few problems.

  1. Fantasies are selective. Envy focuses on only good part of person’s life:  car, marriage, career, clothes, riches, children, home….
  2. Fantasies thrive on miss information. When we think someones’s life is perfect, we never know the serious hidden issues.
  3. Fantasies of perfection prevent us from realistically working on our own problems and make emotional progress.
  4. We do each other a terrible disservice by believing, feeding, envying and perpetuating the lie of a perfect life.

Lets stop believing lie that some else marriage is perfect. Instead lets seek Gods’ vision to see things like He does. A successful marriage requires a vision greater than itself, a vision that is beyond earthly limitations and confusions.

 

Inspired from woman’s bible- True Identity. 

Sharing the word for all woman across the globe to help  become who you are in Christ. 

 

 

Myth#1 “My In-Laws Will love Me”

Everyone has a desire to be loved and appreciated. Wouldn’t it be great if all in-law relationships were as close and loving as that of Ruth and her mother-in-law Naomi from bible? Yet many aren’t.

Many of us woman when we marry, we have this hope that everything would be finally  perfect. If we never had much of a family earlier or have never  been close to mother we tend to ask God to give us a family that we could feel close to.

We finally marry this man who comes from a big, loving  (so we think) family, with many sisters and brothers. Husband assures “They’ll love you, just like you”.

Everything seems good in the beginning. Mother-in-law talks lovingly and compliments. Dad-in-law  seems to like us and so does the siblings. But slowly things change, mother-in-law seems so critical about the way we cook, clean or take care of husband, children etc.  Dad-in-law later acts like we don’t exist and siblings have their own expectations.

Its like we cant do anything right.?!!!

We woman keep thinking that it would get better. Years pass by and it still doesn’t and finally come to point thinking we are not really part of the family.

It’s not that in-laws are evil. We just thought we’d be closer!!!

Well, some desires turn into expectations – expectations that may or may not be met. when it comes to relationships among imperfect people in a fallen world, there are no guarantees. Only God can love us in a way that exceeds our expectations. (see John 3:16;14:23). Our God is free from human biases and imperfections that mar our relationships.

Love is choice – an act of the will, rather than a feeling. During His time on earth, Jesus chose to love and serve others each and everyday. He came with an agenda- to show the full extent of his love (See John 13:1).

Like Jesus, we woman can choose to love our in-laws regardless of how they treat us. By choosing to love with the love of God, we choose to focus on what we can give, rather what we haven’t received. We can also choose to forgive.

But choosing to love doesn’t mean we turn into a doormat. The choice to love can also mean love ourselves enough to establish boundaries, particularly in relationships where abuse is involved. Tough love is still love.

“Love is patient…..

It doesn’t dishonour other,

it is not self-seeking

it is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs.  1 Corinthians :4-5”

Inspired from woman’s bible- True Identity. 

Sharing the word for all woman across the globe to help  become who you are in Christ.